Zeus, keep it in your pants!

*sighs* I was hoping to go over gods that weren't very well known but I just couldn't resist. I really tried but how can you say no to that handsome devil? Certainly no mortal lady ever said no to him! Though one of them DID turn into a shark and tried to eat him...I'll have to find that exact story to add it in later. But now I'm rambling. So as I was saying, I was trying to focus on lesser known deities but this guy is just too damn fun to pass up. Everyone knows him no matter where you come from (I think) so I doubt he even needs an introduction...But I'll do it anyways. Here is....Zeus! The patriarch of the Pantheon!

Zeus

ALSO: Jupiter (Roman), Tinia (Etruscan), Zeus Pateras “Father God”

Concepts/Perspectives belonging to Zeus include:

** Lightning

** Sky

** The Storm

** Enlightenment

** Order

** Justice

** Social Hierarchy/Social Order

The physical evidence for Zeus’ existence appears at the same time as Dionysus on the same tablet: The Mycenaean Linear B tablet around 1250 BCE. “To Zeus and Dionysus, a gift of honey” is what it said. Zeus is also linked to the Sanskrit name Dyaus Pitar. Sanskrit is the ancient language of India which is as old or possibly older than Greece. Among the arguments for this god’s existence (or non existence) is that he was an extraordinary mortal ruler before the written language was developed. Because of his great feats stories would have been created and passed down orally from generation to generation. Give that a hundred years or two and he becomes deified (made into a god). Picture a game of telephone where people whispering a sentence in another person’s ear down a line and sometimes you come out with something a little different than how it originally started. The same can be said for all religions (most prophets never actually write anything themselves, other people just write them and sign the prophet’s name on it after the prophet had already died).

Zeus was the king of the Pantheon. The head honcho, the big kahuna, etc., etc. You get the idea. The venerable patriarch of the ancient Greeks. The only people who had veto power against him were his triune daughters, The Fates, and his sisters, The Erinyes or The Furies. He couldn’t change the destiny of anyone if The Fates decree otherwise and should he break an oath The Furies would take him down. So there was a check to his presidential power.

Zeus’ iconography is that of an older yet virile man (you've seen those rippling muscles!). He has a beard and curled hair, not unlike Dionysus’ older image, and hurls thunderbolts that were crafted for him by the Cyclopes. His image hasn’t changed much between then and now though in early times he has been confused with his brother Poseidon (See: Artemision Zeus/Poseidon bronze sculpture at the bottom of the article).

As I’ve said a few times in other articles, Zeus is the 6^th son of the Titans Cronus and Rhea. Cronus, fearing being overthrown by one of his children, had been swallowing whole each child as Rhea gave birth until she finally got fed up and got Gaia’s help. When Zeus was born he was swapped with a rock which Cronus ate while he was taken away to be raised (Different stories have different opinions about who raised him, they range between: Gaia, a nymph, a woman named Melissa, a goat and many others). When Zeus grew up he returned to fight with Cronus. His wife then, the Titan Metis (goddess of wisdom, cunning), created an emetic (you see where the word comes from?) to make Cronus disgorge Zeus’ siblings. He vomits them up, all of them full grown, and they join sides with Zeus. A 10 year battle ensues between the older generation of gods and the younger generation. At Metis’/Gaia’s urging, Zeus frees the Hecatoncheires and Cyclopes who craft him his thunderbolts. Together they overthrow the rebelling Titans and cast them into Tartarus.

But before the new age can begin, they have to divide up the kingdoms of the world. Strangely, the women aren’t involved in the decision and no mention is made of them. So among the three brothers, Hades, Poseidon and Zeus, they throw lots. Now, if you don’t know, lots is just throwing dice in gambling. And as something done over and over again in the movies, it’s possible to cheat at lots. There’s nothing that says explicitly that anyone cheated but the idea should stay in your head. So they throw the dice. By luck (or by cheating) Zeus wins dominion over the heavens, Poseidon wins the oceans (and a portion of earth), while Hades is left with tending the lower realm (Which funnily enough, is called Hades. Who came first? The person or the place? *shrugs* Your guess is as good as mine.). So the Age of Zeus comes.

Throughout Zeus’ rule he had approximately 115 lovers. One of which was a man by the name of Ganymede. It’s important to remember that this wasn’t a strictly heterosexual society and that it was okay to have flings with the same sex (for both men and women). Strangely enough, Ganymede, out of all his mortal lovers, was the only one to be taken up to live out his days on Mt. Olympus. The women had to continue their lives on earth. While Ganymede lived on Olympus he kept company with his best friend, the god Cupid (I hope he shouldn’t require any explaining).

In the period of the Age of Zeus he had 3 wives. The first was Metis as you may remember from before. She was one of the many daughters of Oceanus and Tethys. It was through her efforts that Zeus succeeded in overthrowing his father. Eventually though, she conceived and the strange prophet (some say it was Gaia) said Zeus would also be overthrown by one of his children. So he panicked and swallowed Metis whole and she disappeared from Greek myth. Zeus was not a smart guy before this. Once he had swallowed her he absorbed all her cleverness and it became part of his character. Though one day he developed a splitting headache which would not cease. The smith god, Hephaestus got the bright idea to bash him in the head with a hammer and Zeus’ head split open. Out leapt Athena, fully grown and armed to the teeth, the goddess of tactical warfare, wisdom and crafts. Hera was livid and in her rage she went off by herself to give birth to....….Hephaestus (No, that wasn’t a typo. Greek myth often has circular stories such as this…).

With Metis gone, Zeus was free to marry again. This time he took the Titan Themis as his wife. She is the ancient symbol of law and order (concepts that Zeus inherits himself later) and together they birth 2 sets of triplets. The first are the Horae, the seasons and the ideas of budding, growth and ripening. The second set are secretly at the top of the Pantheon, The Fates. The spinner Clotho, the measurer Lachesis, and the cutter Atropos. Even though they were his children the Fates (or Moirae) could always trump Zeus.

Some way or another, he divorced Themis and then married Hera as his final wife. Being the goddess who represented marriage and family, it’s no wonder how she was able to hang on. From this union they produced the god of war, Ares.

Zeus is so fun I just can’t stop with the stories! Sometime after Titanomachy (The Battle of the Titans) Gaia became angry that the Titans had been locked up (go figure). The then rallied the children of Uranus, namely the Giants, to wage war against the Olympians. At this point all of the 12 gods were born, so they went into battle against them in Gigantomachy (The Battle of the Giants). They were eventually overthrown and cast down into Tartarus and Gaia was even more irritated. Finally she coupled with Tartarus and they produced Typhon.

Typhon was said to be a reptilian beast with 100 snake heads that runs around shrieking and breathing fire (i.e. a dragon). Typhon ran up and down Greece causing terror and Zeus was forced to descend from the Heavens to engage in fisticuffs. Zeus alone fought against Typhon. At one point Typhon wrapped his coils around Zeus and cut out the tendons in his arms and legs and carried him away, locking him in a cave and guarded by a she-dragon named Delphyne. He was lying there dying when Hermes and Aigipan found where Typhon had hid the tendons and reattached them. When Zeus had recovered he rode down from heaven on a chariot pulled by winged horses and threw thunderbolts at the dragon. This renewed fury was too much for Typhon and he retreated. They ran across Greece until Typhon started throwing mountains at Zeus, who destroyed them with his thunderbolts. Zeus finally picked up a mountain of his own and threw it on top of Typhon and he was finally trapped. You can visit the place today. It’s called Mt. Etna (Aetna) and it’s an active volcano in the area of Sicily.

The last story I’ll go into (sadly) is a hero tale that centers around the mortals. One day a bored Zeus decides to test to see if the humans are following the laws of hospitality. So he and Hermes shapeshift into mortals and begin walking around. The first house they came across was grand, in our terms you could consider it a mansion, and they knock on the door. The man of the house answers the door and the disguised Zeus and Hermes ask for lodgings for the night. The man immediately turns them away and practically slams the door on their faces. So they go to the next house, one of a moderately wealthy lady. Again, they are turned away and denied any hospitality. The 3^rd house they reach yields the same results. Now at this point Zeus is boiling mad and it’s surprising that he hasn’t started hurling thunderbolts yet. They get to one last house where the mortals Baucis and Philemon are setting out their meager dinner. They have a ragged, rundown shack as a home and almost nothing to eat but when Zeus and Hermes come to the door asking for lodgings they welcome them happily and with open arms (not knowing that they are actually gods). Baucis and Philemon share what they have with the two strangers and they enjoy a meal together.

After awhile, Zeus comes to a decision and he signals Hermes. They return to their god-forms (which is just like a really tall mortal). Naturally, the husband and wife are terrified but Zeus assures them that they’re safe. They are told that whatever they want, whatever wish they have, will be given to them no questions asked. The couple look at each other and say that their wish was that one would NEVER outlive the other, that they would never be separated by death. Again, this impresses Zeus and he grants them their wish. On top of that, the god makes them wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. Baucis and Philemon end up living extremely long lives and upon their deaths their bodies became trees so they could continue living side by side forevermore.

Super fun time!

Naturally, all male sky deities such as Zeus have fertility elements (rain, earth, grain, you get it already). Though funnily enough there are very few stories that link Zeus to rain. He is more closely related to the destructive forces of the storm—thunder and lightning. And because lightning came from the heavens, it was thought to be a gift from Zeus. The first time humans got fire was probably from finding a burning tree that had been struck by lightning so this makes sense why it would be so highly revered. It was thought that anything struck by lightning became sacred, temples were built on these spots and people who were struck were thought to be blessed.

Zeus was leery of humans; he thought they were too clever and untrustworthy. While he had the power to destroy them on a whim they too were able to destroy them. Not by war or magic though. How do you slay a god?

Forget they exist.

Wipe their names from the books, stop giving libations, stop worshiping them all together. This is how the Inquisition tried to wipe out the pagan religions, by burning their books and killing the practitioners in an effort to stamp out the knowledge. This is what happened to the Titans to an extent—they were fallen gods, gods that had been halfway forgotten, so the ancients gave them a place: Tartarus. Gods that had been completely forgotten were sent into the very last level of the Underworld: Chaos. Nothing exists inside Chaos so anything that enters becomes unraveled. Basically, they return to nothing (From where you came, so shall you return). It seems the loss of identity in the afterlife was the biggest fear for to the ancient Greeks. So there was an unspoken truce between the gods and goddesses and the mortals: you give sacrifices, we won’t kill you.

The preference of Ganymede is a reflection of the Greek society. Like most ancient societies, women weren’t especially important. Daughters and wives were beheld to the male head of the family’s will (the father or the eldest brother who inherited). And as in most societies that are like this a female child was looked down upon as a burden. It wasn’t uncommon for them to be exposed to the elements to let “fate take its course” or in other words—hope someone else comes along to take the child or it’ll just die. I don’t want to say Zeus was a womanizer but among his children and mortals he held men in more esteem. However, the one he most revered was the goddess Hekate, the concept of the crossroads and possibly the most ancient deity out of all of them (but more on her next time, I promise <3).

With each wife, Zeus gained more power. He became a genius when he swallowed Metis but the most interesting is his children from Themis—the Fates. Fate is an interesting idea. Someone that believes in “fate” yet also the idea of “free choice” is a paradoxical statement. In the Age of Cronus, there was no free will. Everyone was born, provided for, then died as long as they prescribed to a certain set of rules. Yet in the Age of Zeus, the concept of free choice came into play. Now this was something different. Perhaps people still had their prescribed “destiny” but could they do things to change it? Or is destiny, in the symbolism of cutting the string, simply death of everyone and everything? Or perhaps people were still trying to have that link to the divine, that they weren’t completely on their own and without purpose. The Fates were a placeholder for the order of life. Since Zeus is said to pass on the laws of mankind from his own hands it would make sense that his children would uphold that order. The symbolism for the god that came from the union of Zeus and Hera is just laughable. Zeus plus Hera equals Ares. Enlightenment/Order/Justice plus Marriage/Family/Home equals War? Too funny. Or maybe, just maybe, unfaithfulness within the home leads to strife in the family.

The battle with Typhon springs from the Western idea that reptilian creatures are frightening. Among things that people fear most, in order, are: Death, Darkness, Reptiles, and Insects. Why do we fear this animal? In the East, dragons were creatures of eternal life and good fortune. So why this discrepancy here in the West? What’s different between having a pet snake and a pet dog? You clap your hands and whistle and you get an obvious response from the dog. A snake will either not move or start slithering somewhere. It’s very hard to communicate with reptiles the way we do with mammals so it gives them an air of being alien. The same is true for insects, there’s no discernable path of communication (at least for the ancients). At the same time the myth of Typhon explains the creation of an important landmark in Greek tradition. They knew nothing of plate tectonics and how volcanoes worked so it made perfect sense to have a giant, dragon-like creature belching flames from Mt. Etna on a regular basis.

The last story is about the law of hospitality. Now there was nothing written that you should be hospitable to everyone you meet but it was definitely considered kosher. Not every village had an inn to sleep in and if they did, travelers usually bunked in the stables. Only the bigger cities had these luxuries and it took weeks to months to travel by foot everywhere. So along the way travelers would have to rely on the kindness of the people they met along the way to give them shelter and food. The reward for this behavior? Favor from the gods of course. That’s why it’s said that this law of hospitality was from Zeus’ own mouth, to reinforce the behavior. This is very much the same way that the Christian God dictated the 10 commandments to Moses. People wouldn’t listen to the laws of a regular mortal but if they thought it had divine origins they would snap to attention really fast.

This story is also known as an “enhancer.” Enhancer stories take the basic fundamentals that cultures are built on (in this case, being kind to strangers) and show them the benefits of following the traditions. In the case of Baucis and Philemon, they were rewarded beyond their wildest dreams. Now people could hope that the next traveler they entertained was a god in disguise and would hopefully give them gifts for doing a good job for being such great hosts.

There has been speculation (carefully hushed up by some) as to how the polytheistic religions of Greece and Rome fell out of favor. Remember the warning Zeus was given? The exact same one his father and grandfather got? “Beware your children or they will overthrow you”? It’s been thought that Zeus had some frisky fun one too many times and a certain child was born. One who made a new religion that made the people forget the old gods. It’s been thought that the Christian Jesus is the child of Zeus. In a time where entire groups of people could be overthrown and their gods either forgotten or assimilated, the ancients well understood that gods came in generations. So the Age of Zeus was passed on (possibly) to his son. And so in the future, the next generation of gods will rise up and take power. Or perhaps, old ones will return? Who knows. I just call it like I see it.

The reason I broke my original plan to do only lesser known gods first was spurred on by a very ignorant comment I saw on a blog on a different website. It went something along the lines of "I learned mythology in high school, its all nothing but a bunch of unintelligent stories with no meaning or purpose behind it. Unlike *censored* there aren't entire libraries of stories dedicated to Zeus or something." OH REALLY? Anyone who's taken a basic myth course could tell you there are literally thousands of tales within Greek myth with Zeus in it. Of course it was said with that annoying as hell pseudo-superiority of someone who has never taken the time to study these texts in the same indepth detail as they do with other texts.

Before you knock something, at least study it intelligently before you bash it. Or at least say you don't know anything about it instead of making yourself look like a fool. This goes for all religions, non-religions and mythology in general, whether it be monotheistic, polytheistic, hendotheistic or athesitic. Remember: Think before you speak. If you can't come up with something better than what that guy said, have a cookie and sit in the corner for awhile until you can come up with an alternative.

Okay, that's my little rant. Zeus is one of my favorites so I may follow up with some more fun stories of his after awhile but we will see....We shall see....